Should I emulate my mother – who danced in the streets during the Blitz? | John Crace

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All plans are on hold now and I can’t work out if I need a bit more or a bit less of my mother’s spirit

Anxiety is still the first feeling of which I am aware every morning. First as a sense of unease as I regain consciousness and then physical and mental distress as I reconnect with the reality of the new normal. It can still take me a couple of hours of hiding under the duvet before I feel brave enough to get up and have breakfast. Some things have changed, though. Thankfully my dreams are no longer quite so terrifying. Rather they have switched into something more distant and desolate where I am disconnected from the present. One night I dreamed first I was with my son, who was learning to fly in the Lofoten Islands – somewhere I’ve never been (nor have I watched the TV series Twin) and would not be unable to place on a map of Norway – and then that I was in a space ship with Buzz Aldrin as we were flying to the edge of the solar system. Buzz didn’t seem that pleased to have me for company. What’s also changed is that during the day, some of the anxiety now dissipates into sadness and depression. Sadness both at the scale of the crisis – we are now well past the chief scientific adviser’s “best result” death rate of 20,000 with no end in sight – and at my own personal losses. In particular the separation from my family, friends and colleagues. In the early days of the lockdown, I was somehow able to kid myself that maybe the quarantine wouldn’t last that long. But now it’s sunk in that the government is making things up as it goes along, life may not return to normal for many months and that all plans will have to be put on hold. I remember my mother telling me how she and some friends danced down Piccadilly during an air-raid in the second world war (I’m assuming they were a bit pissed) before a warden angrily shepherded them into a shelter. I can’t quite work out whether I need a bit more or a bit less of that sort of spirit.

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Monday

Anxiety is still the first feeling of which I am aware every morning. First as a sense of unease as I regain consciousness and then physical and mental distress as I reconnect with the reality of the new normal. It can still take me a couple of hours of hiding under the duvet before I feel brave enough to get up and have breakfast. Some things have changed, though. Thankfully my dreams are no longer quite so terrifying. Rather, they have switched into something more distant and desolate where I am disconnected from the present. One night I dreamed first I was with my son, who was learning to fly in the Lofoten Islands – somewhere I’ve never been (nor have I watched the TV series Twin) and would not be unable to place on a map of Norway – and then that I was in a spaceship with Buzz Aldrin as we were flying to the edge of the solar system. Buzz didn’t seem that pleased to have me for company. What’s also changed is that during the day some of the anxiety now dissipates into sadness and depression. Sadness both at the scale of the crisis – we are now well past the chief scientific adviser’s “best result” death toll of 20,000, with no end in sight – and at my own personal losses. In particular the separation from my family, friends and colleagues. In the early days of the lockdown I was somehow able to kid myself that maybe the quarantine wouldn’t last that long. But now it’s sunk in that the government is making things up as it goes along, life may not return to normal for many months and that all plans will have to be put on hold. I remember my mother telling me how she and some friends danced down Piccadilly during an air raid in the second world war (I’m assuming they were a bit pissed) before a warden angrily shepherded them into a shelter. I can’t quite work out whether I need a bit more or a bit less of that sort of spirit.

Tuesday

While almost every other sporting body has either cancelled or rearranged fixtures for the months ahead, the Premier League still appears to be under the delusion that it can not only somehow reschedule the remaining games of the current season but also start the next season more or less on time. I know the clubs don’t want to sacrifice any TV money or refund season ticket holders, but I can’t help wondering what part of the government’s coronavirus advice they have somehow missed. Clearly, as a Spurs fan, I would be more than happy for the current season to be declared null and void and for Champions League places to be decided on where clubs finished in May 2019, but I can see that might not be a universally popular choice. But someone has got to make a decision quickly, even if it means pissing some people off, as the situation is getting ridiculous. Still, at least there is someone I know who is still making money out of football. Louis, the son of my friend Kevin, is 42% up on his portfolio investment in the FOOTIE, football’s equivalent of the FTSE, where you buy and sell shares in footballers. Often ones you’ve never seen or heard of apart from a three-minute YouTube compilation. Louis’ best investment is a £10 stake in an Italian teenager, of whom I’d never heard, called Sandro Tonali – bought because he had a passing resemblance to Andrea Pirlo – now showing a profit of 220%. Despite a lengthy tutorial from Louis, I’m still not entirely sure how the FOOTIE really works – apparently Paul Pogba’s current value of £8 per share has fluctuated wildly in the past few months despite him not having played a single minute of football – but apparently it has become the go-to site for all fans with a few quid to risk who are overwhelmed by the mass monotony.

Wednesday

Some of my more intrepid colleagues have made a point of still going into Westminster so that they can observe 90% of MPs dialling in their contributions by Zoom on eight screens in the chamber. It won’t surprise you that I have taken a rather more timid approach, preferring not to take my chances on public transport and following proceedings via Parliament TV instead. I already feel I have used up most of my nine lives. The distance has done nothing to convince me that the government’s response to the coronavirus has often felt as if it has been getting worse rather than better. First we had Boris Johnson on his return to Downing Street declaring that other countries were looking at our apparent success. I wonder what an apparent failure would look like. Then we have had three contradictory briefings on Dominic Cummings’s contributions to the government’s scientific advisory group for emergencies (Sage). First was that he had definitely never attended a Sage meeting. Next that he had been present but not involved. And finally, that rather than being a supporter of herd immunity as it had originally been reported, he single-handedly saved the UK by making the scientists introduce an immediate lockdown. We’ve also had Michael Gove talk up his HMRC academy for training 50,000 new customs officers (current applications = zero) to cope with new post-Brexit customs regulations, while Dominic Raab insisted the coronavirus was a magnificent opportunity for the UK to strike an advantageous Brexit deal with the EU by 31 December and that we shouldn’t believe everything Michel Barnier or the IMF say about the economy shrinking by 35%. But pride of place definitely has to go to Priti Patel, whose performance before the home affairs select committee was every bit the car crash that was anticipated. At one point, the home secretary told the committee that the reason the UK didn’t follow other government’s guidelines for self-isolation at airports was that we had both more and fewer international passengers arriving. Schrödinger’s airport. The public inquiry that will follow all this should make for compelling reading.

‘The bleach sure as hell works on my hair’ ... Donald Trump. Photograph: Jonathan Ernst/Reuters

Thursday

Every crisis has its winners. The coronavirus has therapists, funeral directors and makers of sports equipment. With the change in temperature, I have finally had to admit I am basically a fair-weather cyclist. Pedalling my way up and down the same hill on a bike that is far too small for me for an hour in the wind and the rain really doesn’t appeal, and with it looking less and less likely that gyms will be reopening, something had to give. So I have found an online distributor that can deliver by 1 June – most manufacturers can now only promise July delivery, such is the demand – and I have ordered an exercise bike for £229, which means I will only have to endure another month on my wife’s bike outdoors. For someone who prefers their exercise to be dull, repetitive and painful, this is the ideal solution. Not least because it offers up the possibility of my own 24-hour-gym at home. If I can’t sleep because I’m feeling anxious, I will shortly be able to get up at 2am and cycle precisely nowhere to relieve the cortisol levels. What could be better? I’ve also ordered myself some resistance bands, which my friend Alex insists are nearly as effective as weights. If all goes to plan, I will be all sorted in case gyms are closed for a year. Though as soon as Virgin Active in Streatham does reopen, I will be one of the first back in to nab my favourite cross-trainer. I’ve always been a creature of habit and I’ve been going to the same gym for well over 20 years now, so why would I stop? Mens (in)sana, in corpore sano.

Friday

Before my wife took up pottery seriously about eight years ago, I had only a passing interest in ceramics. It was an art form I didn’t really get. But having watched Jill develop her work – and having lived through her many failures as well as the successes – pottery has become yet another serious passion of mine. To go alongside football, opera and Panini stickers. One of the things I most love about ceramics is the potters themselves. When you buy a piece directly from an artist, they are always keen to explain exactly how the work was made. What clays and glazes were used, whether it was thrown, handbuilt or both, and how many times and at what temperature the pot was fired. It’s as if ceramics is a form of artistic alchemy and even the creators aren’t entirely sure of how their work will actually look when it emerges from the kiln – and want to share the process with you. This week one potter called John, some of whose works we already have in our collection, took this to the extreme by not just sending me a pot he had made but including a letter, with accompanying photographs, of exactly how it was made. He had started by going to an old gravel pit in the Netherlands, where he had dug down to the 2.5m-year-old clay underneath, which he had taken back to the studio to be churned in a baker’s dough mixer before throwing it on the wheel. There was plenty more technical detail, but what I loved most was his end note. “Then of course there is my input into the making, the joy of throwing and all that happens along the way, be it philosophical, spontaneous, accidental, expressive, all of which play a part but may have different emphasis on the day of making.” I wrote some weeks ago that I have taken to talking to my pots. Some of my friends thought I was losing it a bit. But now, I feel vindicated. Because if you know a pot well enough, every time you look at it, it will talk right back to you.

Digested week, digested: Mainlining Dettol.


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